Currently, my work is focusing on two topics. The first being a micro short film exploring narcissistic relationships. The second, is a film which explores the effects of opioid and substance abuse on pivotal relationships.
The first of the aforementioned topics is the topic in which I have an extreme amount of personal experience. Unfortunately, I’ve grown up and am still dealing with narcissistic family relationships. To those without this experience, narcissism probably provokes the images of some super cartoony villain looking longingly in a mirror in love with the reflected imagery. But, in actuality, narcissism is a very emotional, often abusive, sad and sometimes violent situation.
When a person is forced to deal with narcissism, the person must learn about it like a subject in school. There are certain phrases, vocabulary words, habits, and tactics that one must learn and master in order to “survive” the experience.
Narcissism is not a problem of a person loving too much of themselves, but rather is the opposite. Oftentimes, the narcissist tears those closest to him or her down. Narcissists look at other people as mere pons in his or her game; people are seen simply as disposable commodities existing only to feed their damaged egos and to aid their oversized sense of entitlement.
Currently, the micro short is focused on a child’s difficult job of being a child and a sibling in a family full of narcissists. It is exploring the situations that the child must maneuver as the family “scapegoat.” The film is an extremely personal and intimate depiction of moments and memories of my own life; growing and living amongst narcissistic people with no empathy.
The second topic is near and dear to my heart as well. I’ve had a unique relationship to opioids. First, I am severely afraid to take them because they make me feel a need to keep taking them. I deal with a lot of bodily pain coming from fibromyalgia and injuries resulting from a motor vehicle accident. I’ve been able to wean myself off of opioids in the past, when I was medically prescribed them by a surgeon. Nevertheless, every subsequent time that I take them, it becomes more and more difficult to discontinue use. I feel a piece of myself slipping away into the RX bottle.
Sadly, I’m not alone in the overtaking feeling that opioids bring. Millions of people over the past few decades have become fully addicted to opioids and other substances. Many times, opioids are a gateway drug to stronger and more addictive street drugs like methamphetamines. Tragically, over fifty thousand (50,000+) people die of opioid over dose each year.
Because of this, I am working on a film to raise awareness of addiction and overdose. The film explores the negative effects that substances have on a person, how those substances make a person become a pitiful and tragic shadow of their former self, fading them into their own shadow and eventually into obscurity. As a result, their most important relationships suffer. Many times, the people over taking the difficult task to love an addict often finds themselves as the victim themselves. The film explores this notion and will do so in a powerful, yet educational way gearing towards school aged youth. It is being made with the hope that the film will open up the lines of communication about the topic between kids, parents, grandparents, and guardians about the dangers of opioids and substance addiction.
My 2021 animated short film currently traveling the film festival circuit is called I’m Here. It is an experimental CG animated project about a girl’s struggle with multiple forms of bullying. She turns to suicide as an escape from such torment, but finds comfort in her Golden Retriever. The interaction with her furry friend begins her path down the long and arduous road of recovery from bullying-induced depression.
I was thirteen when I entered the house of a friend who would soon become my tormentor. The events that took place there changed my life. My daily routines had to change, the way I had to approach entering into a classroom changed, the way I walked through the hallways of my school had to change. I am a bullying victim. Like being an alcoholic or a drug addict, my affliction will never go away. I grew to distrust everyone, and became socially paralyzed due to the effects of bullying. My personal experience with bullying led me to consider suicide. Life, something that every person should have a zeal for, I wanted to throw away due to bullying-induced depression. Thus, my work in I’m Here references the effects of cyber, physical, and verbal bullying of American youth.
As of August 2022, I’m Here has been accepted into 63 film festivals and has won over 35 awards. Because of this, the film is doing its intended task; to bring bullying, suicide and mental health awareness to the masses.
Each of my works requires adequate research and self-searching. I try to only tackle subjects that I have first-hand knowledge of, or I am extremely passionate about. Nevertheless, I find that research on each subject gives the animation and storytelling the authenticity that I require from my work. Each subject matter determines the look and style of the animation being applied to it. This form-content relationship is one of the first artistic decisions I make. Usually, this comes from a process that I call “project-meditation.” Project-meditation is an exercise that I conduct that allows me to mentally travel through artistic visuals with my mind’s eye. Sometimes I project-meditate alongside physical activity or while resting. Most of the time, it happens while listening to orchestral music.
Alongside being an animator, I am also a painter and fine artist. I am trained in classic oil painting techniques. I became a painter because I was highly influenced by the films of the Disney Animation Renaissance and the use of hand painted backgrounds. I was enthralled with the impressive backgrounds paired with full-framed animation. I would marvel at these films and would often turn to them when I needed them to mentally and emotionally escape from difficult times in my life. I called these films “90 Minute Vacations,” as they would provide a 90-minute mental and emotional respite. This is the reason why mixing artistic media with animation is such an important endeavor for me. Contemporary films such as ‘Spider-Man into the Spider-verse’ has proven that the uniquely mixed media look of the work that I am working diligently to perfect is possible.